Insomniacs: Games Night
by Nbeg
Summary: Spending Halloween with the Cullens... What could be better? Prepare for Games Night: vampire style! Post Eclipse. Sequel to Whatserrname's Insomniacs:Hide and Seek. Canon.
1. Sex, Drugs, and Sausage Rolls

**Hey! This fanfic is a sequel to the legendary TWIingTooHard's 'Insomniacs:Hide and Seek' (Yes, I am the friend she mentioned, who sent the letter to Robert Pattinson...Mwhahaha!). I strongly recommend you read her story (if you haven't already), not necessarily because it will help you understand this one any better, but just because it's bloody entertaining; I guarantee it will give you a good chuckle.**

**Anyhoo, hope you enjoy this first chapter, entitled 'Sex, Drugs, and Sausage Rolls', and I just thought that I ought to mention that I don't own the rights to anything Twilight... unfortunately... =(**

**Chapter 1**

**BPOV**

Okay Bella, take a nice deep breath. In… and out… You're probably just worrying about nothing; after all, it's only a box- an inanimate object. It can't hurt you. And in… and out… Now all you have to do is open the damned thing- that doesn't sound too difficult does it? And in… and out. Right, on the count of three. One… Two…

'Three!' I swiftly ripped the lid off of the garishly decorated crimson box, like ripping of a Band-Aid: Quick and painless. Well, almost.

The first emotion that struck me, as I gazed at its contents was sheer puzzlement. I guess I didn't know what I'd been expecting to find in here, but it certainly wasn't this. What was Alice plotting?

A few days before she had given me the box, along with a glittery envelope, and had left me specific instructions not to open them until today, the 31st of October, and at this time, 6:30pm. She'd also specified that I make sure I have no other plans this weekend, as I'd be spending it with her, Edward, and the rest of the Cullens. Obviously, as soon as the word 'Edward' had passed her lips she knew I was in, and of course she knew I'd comply with her terms. Even if she couldn't see the future, she'd know full well that I wouldn't want to have any idea of what kind of hell awaited me this weekend for as long as possible.

Still gazing in wonder at the inside of the container, I reached under the lamp on my bedside table, where I'd placed the sparkly envelope for safe keeping. Hopefully, within it should lay some answers. I hesitantly pealed back the seal, and took out the card from inside.

It was no bigger than a credit card, and on one side there were just a couple of words, written in striking gold script:

_**Room 123**_

I emptied the envelope onto the bed and also discovered a small ornate brass key. Oh great! This was clearly one more of Alice's cryptic clues; yet another example of her weird sense of humour. I was still none the wiser, but maybe that was a good thing.

I was about to closer inspect the items within the box, when I heard the sound of an unfamiliar purring engine outside the house. It definitely wasn't Edward's Volvo; I would've recognized the sound of that car anywhere. The unknown car stopped, and as the driver got out I listened to the footsteps walking towards the front door.

'Oh, hi Edward.' Downstairs Charlie answered the door in a somewhat unfriendly manner. So it _was _Edward. I jumped off my bed and headed for the window to get a glimpse down at the street.

'What's with the car?' Charlie asked, puzzled. I couldn't think of a more apt question myself. Even with my almost complete lack of knowledge about cars, I could easily have told you what this beauty was that stood posing on the road outside my house. It certainly was not a car I would ever have pictured Edward Cullen picking me up from Charlie's house in: It was a Rolls freakin' Royce!

It was one of those old, and very classy British cars, and was probably from the 1930s or 40s. I had never seen one for real before, just on TV, like on adaptations of Agatha Christie books. However, regardless of the vehicle's magnificence, I was now _very _suspicious. What the hell were the Cullens up to?

'It's just a rental, Charlie. Is Bella ready?' At the sound of Edward's angelic voice I sprinted across my bed room and darted down the stairs: tripping on one of the steps of course, and landing flat on my face. Luckily, Charlie's old work boots had softened the blow.

'Mmph-mmph.' The worn dirt-encrusted leather muffled my voice.

'What was that?' Asked Edward as he helped me to my feet. He was trying unconvincingly to suppress a smile at my clumsiness.

'I said: I'm fine.'

'Is that a Rolls Royce?' Charlie hadn't even noticed my swift plunge down the staircase; well, either that or he had gotten used to such things by now. He was still staring in bewildered awe at the classic automobile.

'Yeah. A vintage Rolls Royce Wraith from 1939.' Edward replied indifferently.

Wide eyed, Charlie simply shook his head in amazement. He finally turned around to look at us both.

'So you hired a _Rolls Royce_, just to match your Halloween costume?' He didn't even attempt to hide his distrust, as he interrogated Edward.

'What can I say?' He answered. 'We Cullens are very fond of Halloween. It's our favourite holiday.' I shivered, but I didn't flinch, as he wrapped his cold arm around my waist.

It wasn't until Charlie had mentioned it, that I had even registered what Edward was wearing: a black three piece tuxedo, complete with waist-jacket and bow-tie. It even had a tailcoat, and I was certain that on anybody else the outfit would've looked completely ridiculous, yet Edward still somehow managed to look characteristically stunning.

'Why don't I wait down here, while you go and put on your costume?' He suggested.

'What costume? And please don't tell me that the box Alice gave me, full of feathers and fur, is supposed to be worn.'

'No, it's not.' Purred Edward. I sighed in relief. 'You don't wear the box, but you do wear the fur and the feathers.'

'What?!' I attempted to give Edward an angry glare, along with a piece of my mind, but I soon stopped in my tracks as he flashed me one of his gorgeous smiles. Damn him! I couldn't even get mad at him right. Oh well, I guess I'd just have to take out my anger on Alice, when we got to wherever we were meant to be going.

Edward waited for me in the living room, being supervised all the while by Charlie's hate-filled glower as he sat stroking his shot gun; meanwhile, I went up stairs to get ready.

I grimaced at the box on my bed, but proceeded to take out the fur and feathers.

However, once I'd spread all the items across my bed, I realized that the situation wasn't quite as bad as I had thought on first inspection. Granted, the outfit did contain a full length blond mink coat, of which I had no doubt as to its authenticity, but there was also a beautifully elegant 1940s style ruby red cocktail dress. My eyes nearly popped out of my head as I stared at the dazzling diamond necklace and earrings, and I gingerly took them out of the box; surely this outfit must've cost more than most families would earn in a decade! I tried not to think about that, however, as I put it on and stared at my reflection. Hmm… Something was missing.

Of course; it was the hat. I placed the dark red vintage hat at a slight tilt on my head, and stroked the long feather plumes. I looked like a gangster's moll, or a Hollywood starlet… I looked good!

Finally satisfied with my reflection, I went back down to Edward, and as soon as I had said my goodbyes to Charlie, we were both in Edward's ridiculously posh car, and were on our way. Apparently, Edward also refused to tell me what was going on, as whenever I so much as mentioned what the evening might have in store he would become very elusive.

'Can you at least give me a hint?' I pleaded.

'I don't want to spoil the surprise. Besides I promised Alice I wouldn't tell you a thing.'

'Urgh! I hate surprises!' If Alice wasn't already dead, I would kill her. 'Can you at least tell me what your card says?'

'I can't do that.' He stated matter-of-factly. For once he actually seemed to be paying most of his attention to his driving.

'Why? Because Alice will kill you?'

'No. Because I don't have one.'

'What? Why not?'

'Just stop asking questions Bella. You'll find out soon enough.' Clearly I was getting nowhere fast, so I resorted to folding my arms across my chest and sulking.

'You look like Jeeves.' I said spitefully. Edward started to laugh, his face beaming with amusement.

'Good.' He said. Edward could be weird sometimes.

It took what seemed like an eternity to reach our destination, and when we did, words completely failed me. For several minutes I sat gaping, with a look on my face which must have mirrored Charlie's when he had seen Edward's Rolls earlier.

'Well? What do you think?' I could tell from his voice that he especially wished that he could read my thoughts at this moment.

'What do I think?' I repeated, apparently unable to form a sentence of my own.

'Well?' He pressed.

'Well, I knew you Cullens were a little eccentric, but hiring a castle just for us to celebrate Halloween is more than a little bit peculiar.'

'It's not a castle; it's just a really really big, really old, house. Besides we didn't just rent it for Halloween.'

' You mean you bought it?!' It still amazed me to think of how much money the Cullens could spend without even batting an eyelid. I was also pretty certain that this shiny car wasn't _'just a rental'_, as Edward had told Charlie.

'Jasper bought it nearly a couple of decades ago.' Edward explained.

'Why?' I asked.

'No-one knows, except me and Alice.' He said mysteriously, in a hushed tone. Intrigued, I leaned in closer…

'HA-HA!' Edward's laugh was so loud and unexpected that it made me jump and slam my head into the ceiling of the car.

'What the hell, Edward? Are you trying to scare me to death?' I tried to hit him in the chest, but it just hurt my hand and I bent my finger back.

'Ow!'

'Sorry, Bella.' He said, kissing my finger better. 'I was overcome by a funny thought.'

'And what was that?' I inquired, rubbing the lump on my head. Edward placed his hand on the bump to cool it down like an ice pack.

'Well, I was just listening to Esme's thoughts from inside the house. Apparently, Carlisle's had a bit of a rough day, and thought up an imaginative way to relieve the tension.'

'Carlisle?' I asked, slightly confused. 'But he's always so calm and serious; and _reserved. _Since when has anything ever phased him?'

'Calm, sensible, and reserved?' I could see that Edward was trying hard to suppress another outburst of laughter again. 'Yes, I suppose he would look like that through your eyes… But you should try reading his thoughts once in a while.'

BANG-BANG-BANG! Alice's knocking on the car door was so abrupt, that I banged my head again.

'Don't do that, Bella. You'll squash your hat.' She said, clearly unconcerned about the throbbing agony in my cranium.

'Ow!' I complained, as I wound the window down.

'Are you guys coming inside, or what?' She questioned impatiently, ignoring my pain.

With a sigh, we both got out of the car, and Alice proceeded to straighten the feathers on my hat.

'How's Carlisle?' Edward grinned as he spoke.

'He'll be fine, I guess. He just hasn't been the same since that first trip to Disney World, though.' Alice sighed. 'And now he gets worse every year…'

'What did Carlisle do? Why was he so annoyed? What's Alice talking about?'

'Whoa, Bella, breathe.' Edward held my shoulders, to try and stop me asking so many questions. What the hell had I missed?

'Let's go inside.' This wasn't a question, it was an order; Alice was obviously raring to go. As we walked to the great oak doors of the ancient house, I whispered to Edward.

'So why did Jasper buy this place? Oh, and what happened to Carlisle at Disney World?' He placed his finger on my lips to shut me up. It worked.

'I'm sure they're things that you'll find out eventually.' He whispered back. 'But, now it's time for you to find out what we're here for.'

If I were to ask somebody to picture a place where a family of vampires likes to spend Halloween, they more than likely would've pictured precisely this mansion; all that was missing was the lightning and the claps of thunder.

From what I could make out, the manor house was built out of dark grey stone, but it was hard to tell exactly, as most of the walls were smothered in dead ivy and moss. Even from the outside, I could tell that there was a phenomenal amount of rooms inside, and on the outside, the house was strewn with towers and turrets, with spires and decaying gargoyles and grotesques.

It was a quintessential haunted house, right down to the stained glass windows, and the imposing iron gate to keep out unwelcome guests… or to keep them in, I couldn't be sure.

To the right of the house, there even stood a small cemetery. I really didn't fancy spending the night here, but as there were no other houses for about a six mile radius, I didn't really have much choice; Edward seemed keen to have me go through with whatever this was, so if I were to leave I'd probably have to walk.

We stepped into the entrance hall, where the rest of the Cullens were waiting for us, and were all wearing 1940s costumes, just like me, Edward and Alice, in her graceful short black gown. The hall was surprisingly grand, with polished marble flooring and two impressive sweeping staircases down either side; yet, somehow the room still looked cold and eerie.

'Oh, you look beautiful, Bella!' Esme smiled at me, and I couldn't help but notice that she somehow managed to look even more dazzling than usual. Her hair was up, and her flowing peacock-blue ball gown was simply stunning. I instantly felt very self conscious.

'What do you think of the house?' Asked Jasper, with a kind eagerness I never would have thought him capable of. He was wearing some sort of old military attire, which only a Cullen would have been able to pull-off, especially considering its colour: Murky yellow.

'It's very… atmospheric.' I replied. 'I wouldn't have been at all surprised if Vincent Price had answered the door, cackling manically.' At that I noticed Jasper, Edward and Alice all exchange knowing glances. They were up to something, I could tell.

'Awesome!' yelled Emmett. I have no idea what Emmett was supposed to be wearing; all I can say is that it was some kind of dark green suit. 'We should totally have got him to do that! Do you reckon he'd have been up for it?'

'I doubt it,' said Carlisle. 'Considering that he died in 1993.' Carlisle was dressed in a deep-purple tux and bow tie, and his hair was slicked back; as usual he looked incredibly suave and sophisticated. Apparently, he had calmed down after his mysterious episode earlier, which Edward seemed to refuse to tell me anything about.

'Aww, man!' Emmett exclaimed in disappointment. 'That sucks; that guy was a legend.' As Emmett spoke, Rosalie made her grand entrance down the staircase, without saying a word. Her hair was pinned up like Esme's and she wore an exquisite white dress; the only thought running through my head at that time was that surely no woman should have the right to be so beautiful. It just wasn't fair.

'Can we please go into the main room now? I'm sure Bella's dying to find out what's going on.' Alice started to drag Jasper and Edward by the arms over towards an archway, which lead to what appeared to be a lounge.

The rest of us followed into the living room and filled up the three leather couches, which were positioned around a coffee table in front of the fireplace. The only illumination that the room had came from the crackling fire in the hearth, as it was dark outside now and the long velvet drapes had been drawn.

Alice reached underneath one of the sofas and pulled out an old top hat, which contained seven small folded pieces of card, and placed it onto the table.

'Right then.' She said, smoothing her dress down. 'Most of you obviously know what we're all doing here, but for Bella's sake I think I'd better explain.'

'Well, it's been a few years since _we've _done this.' Commented Jasper.

'Done what?' I asked.

'I was just coming to that Bella.' Alice was giving Jasper the dead-eye for interrupting her. 'Well, up until a few years ago, us Cullens had a bit of a family tradition: it's a little bit like "games night" that some humans like to do, except we've sort of… _elaborated _on that a teensy bit.' I didn't like the way she emphasized the word 'elaborated'.

'What do you mean?'

'When you humans have games nights, it tends to be just a group of people playing board games, or cards, or whatever. However, our family tends to do things on a much bigger scale…'

'So are you telling me, you dragged me to this creepy old house just so we can spend all weekend playing scrabble in fancy dress?' I was slightly peeved. I should have been spending my weekend alone with Edward, not playing childish board games!

'It's quite hard to explain, I suppose, Bella; but we don't use boards, counters, or dice, we simply live the games instead.' Alice's explanation made things far from clearer. If anything I was more confused than before I came here.

'Just humour her.' Edward whispered in my ear, although I was sure from Alice's glare that she'd heard him.

'Alice is needlessly confusing things. All you really need to know is that it's just a game, Bella.' Esme assured me.

'Some game.' Scoffed Rosalie sarcastically. 'This won't be anywhere near as good as last year.'

'You know why we can't do that this year, Rose;' Edward argued 'Bella would be obliterated.' As Edward said this, I could've sworn that I had seen a mischievous glint in Rosalie's eyes. It scared me a little.

'What exactly did you do last year?' I knew as soon as I'd asked the question that the answer would do nothing to relieve my anxiety about this evening.

'We played Battleships.' Emmett grinned. 'It was immense!'

'Battleships?' I asked, slightly puzzled: When Edward had said that I would've been obliterated, I had automatically assumed that he'd meant it literally. Surely he didn't really just want to save me the humiliation of loosing?

'Isn't Battleships a little tame for you guys?' I had to hold in a giggle at the thought of the voguish vampire family sat around the table sticking tiny plastic pegs into miniature ships. I simply couldn't have imagined the superhuman Cullens capable of any activity as mundane as 'games night' before today.

Emmett's snickering broke me from my reverie.

'I didn't mean the board game.' He said. It took me a few seconds to register what he had meant by that.

'What?!' I shrieked.

'We didn't use real battleships, if that's what you're thinking, Bella.' Alice assured me when she saw the look of sheer horror on my face.

'Oh...right.' I sighed, feeling slightly embarrassed.

'I doubt even we could have afforded to buy an entire fleet of military ships each. No, a yacht each was much more practical.' Carlisle explained. 'The aim was to sink everybody else's boat, the last one still afloat won.'

'And that was me!' Esme was beaming with satisfaction.

'Yes, she was quite the formidable opponent.' Said Carlisle placing an arm across her shoulders and looking her in the eyes with pride. 'She shot fireworks at me.' He claimed cheerfully. Oh dear. I prayed silently to God that we would be doing nothing quite as dangerous tonight.

'I liked the year before that better though,' Emmett said 'We played Mousetrap! We made this whole life-sized machine, it was great!' Emmett had a huge smile across his face as he spoke.

'It _was _rather elaborate.' Jasper agreed.

'Yeah, it was so awesome! I turned a crank, which made a bolder roll down this zig-zag track; it then hit a pole, which knocked a bigger bolder into a bath tub with a hole in it.'

'Just like the in board game.' Alice added enthusiastically.

'That then rolled out and knocked a mannequin off of a see-saw, and caused the cage to fall down right on top of Carlisle!' As Emmett said all of this, my mind was filled with the image of some massive over the top mechanism, like some form of giant marble-run.

'I was in that thing for three hours.' Carlisle said traumatically. 'I was just sat there, alone, dragging a plastic beaker repeatedly across the bars of the cage…' His eyes went distant, like a war veteran remembering the stuff that went down in Vietnam, as if he were imprisoned all over again.

'Yeah, sorry about leaving you, I suppose that was kind of harsh; but we had to go for our victory hunt; that was the first time I'd ever beaten you.'

'So, Jasper, you bought this house, in the middle of nowhere, just so that you could play these wild games?' I asked. Jasper looked painfully uncomfortable, apparently I must have asked an awkward question.

'Err, yes. Well, I... err, I only bought it last month.' He stammered.

'But Edward said that you bought it in the nineties.' I stated, and the look that Jasper gave Edward in response was a hostile one.

'Did he really?' He asked through gritted teeth, but he was still glaring at his brother.

'What are you up to Jasper?' Asked Carlisle suspiciously. 'You said that you'd bought the place especially for tonight. Why didn't you just tell us that you already owned the place?'

'Are you keeping a secret from us Jasper?' Teased Emmett.

'It's... It's nothing, just let it go you guys!' Jasper could be even more evasive than Edward sometimes, and very defensive too. I wished I hadn't said anything, as a wave of guilt washed over me; although I had a sneaking suspicion that Jasper may have been controlling my emotions as payback.

'Thanks a lot Edward!' Jasper said sulkily.

'Don't worry, I wasn't going to tell her _why _you bought the place.'

'Shh!' Hissed Jasper in a desperate attempt to shut his brother up before he gave anything away. It looked like I had inadvertently managed to start a domestic dispute in a house full of vampires, in the middle of nowhere... Not the cleverest thing to do.

'What's that supposed to mean? What did you buy the house for Jasper?' Emmett eagerly interrogated him. 'And why have you never told us anything about it?'

'I did, I told Edward and Alice.' Jasper replied, offended by being accused of keeping secrets.

'Only because they would've found out anyway.' Now Rosalie had joined in with the cross-examination.

'Excuse me! Guys, can you _please_ let me continue?!' Demanded Alice, with her hands on her hips.

'I reckon him and Alice come here for a bit of 'together time'.' Emmett said quietly to Rosalie.

'Emmett!'

'Sorry Alice.'

Finally the room filled with silence as we all waited for Alice to start talking again.

'Tonight,' she said, 'We're going to play a game called Clue.' It seemed kind of obvious now that she'd it, and it certainly explained the colour coded outfits. 'However, there will be a few minor alterations to the rules of course; but all will be explained in a while. For now, I want all of you to pull out a card,' as she said this she gestured towards the hat on the coffee table, 'And tell us all which character you'll be playing.'

'What's the point?' Asked Jasper. 'We all know who we're supposed to be.'

'Yes, and that's only because I saw the results of this draw. Besides, I want you to see that I was trying to be fair, as I know that some of you were less than happy about which character you ended up with.' With this, Alice's gaze moved to Rosalie, who was sat with her arms folded across her chest.

'What's the problem?' She asked moodily. 'I'm wearing a white dress aren't. I just refuse to wear that revolting housemaid's uniform and grey wig that you picked out for me.' Rosalie reached into the hat, pulled out one of the cards and unfolded it: _Mrs. White_.

'I told you so.' Said Alice. 'I picked the costume out for you because Mrs. White is supposed to be an elderly housekeeper. It says so in the description on the back of the card.'

'And doesn't the description of your character say that he's supposed to be a man?' Rosalie countered.

'Touché'

Alice put her hand into the hat next and pulled out another card.

''_Mr. Boddy._'' She read aloud. ''_The wealthy owner of Tudor Mansion, who is murdered by one of his dinner guests.' _Of course I'll be changing it to 'Ms. Alice Boddy', however.' She passed the hat to Jasper next.

''_Colonel Mustard: He is a military man, whose years of fighting have made him extremely trigger-happy. Some say there is a great rivalry between him and Boddy.'' _Jasper smirked as he pocketed his card and passed the hat over to Carlisle, apparently satisfied with the role he'd received.

'I am to play _'Professor Plum: An absent-minded man, yet he is the most intellectual and learned of the dinner guests. He is especially knowledgeable about poisons.''_ He read, and gave the hat to Emmett.

'Finally I can get into character. I've been looking forward to this!' He chuckled as he placed his card onto the coffee table for us all to read. 'Oh yeah! I'm _'Reverend Green'_! I'll let you see for yourselves what Reverend Green is like. I intend to fully immerse myself in this role.' Emmett then passed the hat over to Esme.

''_Mrs Peacock.'_' She read aloud. ''_A middle-aged classy lady, who is still retaining her beauty. She has had three husbands, who have all died suddenly, in mysterious circumstances.'_

That meant that there was only one possible character left for me. I took the card from the hat and stared at it.

_''Miss Scarlet: A young, cunning, and highly attractive actress, whose carer is beginning to decline. She has many love interests, and is the step-daughter of Mrs Peacock.'_

Rosalie was scowling at me, and I could see why. Surely there couldn't have been a less appropriate character for me to play, and there certainly wasn't a character that I wanted to play less. Rosalie would've been a much more sensible choice for the role, and I guessed that she thought so too.

'Excellent!' Declared Alice. 'One last thing before we get started, however. I want everybody to empty their pockets and place anything that was invented or made after 1940 into this hat.'

'Why?' I asked, intrigued.

'Alice likes to take these games seriously.' Said Carlisle.

'That's right.' She agreed. 'Until the game is finished we will be living in the year 1940, and we have to act our characters. Also we are only allowed to refer to each other by our character's name.

'What about Edward?' I asked, as I realised that Alice had forgotten about him. 'Who's he playing? All of the characters have been used up: six guests and Mr Boddy, the victim.'

'No they haven't.' Edward pulled out another card.

'I'll be Wadsworth.'

'Who?' Emmett asked; he was apparently as clueless as I was.

'The butler.' He explained.

'As Bella will be slightly handicapped during the game, what with her only being human, Edward and I agreed that it would only be fair if Edward was allowed to help her.' Alice announced.

'Fair enough.' Said Jasper, as he tossed his cell phone into the hat. Everybody else followed his example.

'Oh my God!' Emmett exclaimed, as he pulled a small paper bag out of his pocket. The bag had practically turned see-through with grease; I could almost make out what was inside it without even opening it. 'This must've been in here for days!' He pulled something out of the bag which resembled some sort of meat snack wrapped in flaky pastry.

'Emmett, is that an English sausage roll?!' Carlisle's eyes were wide with shock as he asked this.

'Err... Kind of. When was the last time we went to England?'

'Seven months ago!' Cried Rosalie in disgust.

'Wow. Seven months, huh?... You reckon it's still good?'

'No!!!' She shrieked.

'Why do you even have that? I thought that you guys couldn't eat regular food?' I asked, as Emmett was playfully trying to shove the greasy sausage roll into Rosalie's mouth. She irritably turned her head from side to side to avoid it, but ended up with flakes of pastry in her silky blonde hair. Finally he gave up when she threatened to punch him in the crotch.

'Honestly, I have no idea how that even got there.' With that he chucked it in the hat.

'Emmett! Put that thing in the garbage, you're getting grease on everything!' Alice yelled.

Once Emmett had done as he was told, Alice calmed down and smoothed down her dress again, as she unflustered.

'Finally.' She sighed in relief. 'You've all been sent your room assignments in advance,' At least I now realised what the card in the envelope was for. 'So now we can all go to our rooms and just wait for the game to begin...' With that, Alice took the hat from the table, and left the room...

**Okay, that's it for now. Thanks for reading.**

**By the way, in case any of you were wondering, there are some differences in the English and American versions of the Clue board game: for example, the original English version of the game is called Clue****do****, not Clue, and Mr Green is known as Reverend Green. Also, in the American version, the victim is called Mr Boddy, however in the English game he is called Mr Black. I just thought that I'd better explain, as both English and American people may read this and get confused.**

**Okay, I'm really going to go now...**


	2. An Unusual Bulge

**Finally, I've finished the second chapter! I really really want to thank everybody who reviewed my first chapter- You are officially my new favourite people ever. I should also thank TWIingTooHard once again for her input and proof reading. I'm sorry if this introduction is a bit lacklustre, but my mind is currently reduced to mush.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy...**

**Chapter 2 - An Unusual Bulge**

**RPOV**

This year's game was going to be _fun_! Sure it was going to be more difficult than I had originally thought, but wouldn't that just make it all the sweeter once I finally beat Bella? I'd have to give our approach some serious thought however, so I bit my lip and considered our options. These games were always going to be challenging, especially when we had to play against Alice, Edward, and Jasper, and therefore they required careful and strategic planning...

'I say we just wing it.' Emmett said decisively. He was staring at the large opulent mirror, which stood opposite the luxurious four poster bed on which I sat, and he was trying to work out how to attach his dog collar. Once he'd figured it out, Emmett winked at his own reflection, claimed: 'Damn, I'm sexy.', then turned round to face me once again.

'You're so modest' I commented.

'Modest and proud.' Emmett replied. 'I think Reverend Green needs a back-story.' He decided.

'I'm surprised that you haven't already thought of one.' I answered, not really paying much attention to what he was saying.

'Well, I have given it some deliberation. I came to the conclusion that he's some sort of foreign missionary, who also does lots of charity work in his spare time, like Bono or Bob Geldof...'

'So why don't you make him Irish?' I suggested.

'Hey, great idea Rose! Now I just need to figure out why I would want to kill Al- I mean .'

'Maybe we should work out _how _to kill her first.'

'So, let me get this straight...' Emmett thought aloud. 'The aim of the game is not to find out who killed Ms Boddy, but to actually _kill _her?' He had listened intently as I'd read out the rules which Alice had left for us in our room, and we had come to the decision that we would work together to increase our chances of winning. And _boy_ did I want to win this year!

'That's what the rules say.' I replied.

'She really wasn't lying when she said she'd elaborated on the rules, that's for sure.' Emmett commented.

'The only way that Alice can win, is if nobody "_kills" _her before 10am tomorrow, so that gives us twelve hours once the game starts.' I glanced over to the gilded grandfather clock in the corner, and realised that we only had an hour left to organise our game-plan before we would start playing.

'How shall we get her then?' Emmett asked. I had been thinking about this for the last few minutes, and as I enthusiastically listed the many varied ways by which I intended to destroy Alice, I relished the gory descriptions. I was talking, gazing wide-eyed into space for about five minutes solid before I realised that Emmett was staring at me with a mixture of fear and apprehension.

'Rose?...' He asked a little uncertainly. 'Should I be worried about this? You know we don't _really _kill her right?'

'Of course I do.' I cleared my throat.

'Surely there's no way we can get to Alice though; I mean, she'd see us coming right?' Emmett had a point. I thought for a moment...

'Our attack on her has to be spontaneous, that's the only way we can do it, I guess, and we'll only be able to do that if we can ensure that the others don't get to her first.' I reasoned.

'You mean that we should _dispose _ofthe other guests?...' Emmett grinned mischievously. 'I love it when you play dirty!'

'We should probably start with who we think will be our biggest threat.'

'Well that's easy,' Emmett sat down next to me as he spoke. 'It's obviously Edward.'

'Not necessarily; let's not forget that Jasper has powers too, and as this is his house he has the advantage of not getting lost. He probably knows a load of short cuts too, there's bound to be hidden corridors in a creepy old mansion like this.' The moment that I'd said this the bedroom was lit up by a fork of lightning outside, a rubble of thunder followed a few seconds later and the electric lights dimmed slightly.

'And don't forget that Edward can't really win anyway, he's only here to help Bella, and let's face it: there's not much chance of _her_ winning.' I said as if nothing had happened.

'Don't underestimate Bella, she might surprise you.' Warned Emmett.

'I doubt that very much indeed.' I said, so scornfully that Emmett stared at me accusingly. I shook my head slightly, as if to say: 'Forget that I said that.'

'Edward's abilities still worry me though.' Emmett went on. 'What if he and Bella team up with some of the others? They would have a definite advantage over us then.' This got me thinking.

'What does the winner get anyway?' Emmett asked curiously.

'They get to pick next year's game.' I replied.

'Awesome! I vote Twister... No! Even better: Naked Twister!' Typical Emmett. I ignored him. The prize didn't bother me, I simply wanted to win; that and the feeling of superiority that would come with it.

'Now I really want to win!' Emmett declared as he enthusiastically sprang back on to his feet. Like me he wanted to start the game straight away, but our plan still needed some work. In his restlessness Emmett wondered into the en suite bathroom.

I slumped back on the bed, stumped. How could we get the others out of the way?

I laid on the bed for a few minutes until it occurred to me that Emmett had been in the bathroom for an unusually long time.

'Emmett?...' There was no reply. Getting to my feet, I walked over to the bathroom door and knocked a couple of times. 'Emmett? What are you doing in there?...' Again there was no response. I opened the door and walked in.

There was a pile of crumpled green clothing in a heap on the middle of the white tiled floor, but the person who had been wearing these clothes just a few moments ago was nowhere to be seen.

'Oh great!' I said, my voice filled with sarcasm. 'So that means that there's a naked Emmett running around the house somewhere.'

**BPOV**

It took over an hour for Edward and I to find my room: not just because the house was so immense, but because there were just so many distractions. Every time I entered a new room I found that I couldn't bring myself to leave and look for my bedroom until I'd explored every inch of it.

'I wonder if there are any secret passages in this place?' I pondered aloud. It would be hard to imagine that there wasn't any.

'Of course there is. Jasper finds they come in very useful, although I'm sure there's some that even he hasn't discovered yet.' Edward replied, as I surveyed the grand, and no-doubt once elegant dining room in which we stood. However, now the silver cutlery which still lay on the table, and the enormous mirrors which covered one wall, were all stained with ugly dark blotches, which showed their age.

'So Jasper spends a lot of time here then?' I enquired, and drew a smiley face in the dust on the mantelpiece with my finger.

'No, not particularly. Well, not as much as he used to at least.'

'Have you really never told anyone what he uses the place for?'

'No, I haven't.' He said.

'Are you going to tell me?'

'Nope.'

'Spoil sport.'

I turned around, intending to do some more exploring, only to bump straight into Emmett's rock hard chest.

'Ow! Jeese Emmett, you could've warned me you were stood there!'

'Sorry if I hurt ya Miss Scarlet.' He said in a very convincing Irish brogue.

'Emmett, why are you talking like that?' Edward asked, somewhat bemused.

'Shut yar trap Wadsworth; I was talking t'the lady. And for ya information I decided dat Reverend Green comes from Dublin.' Edward sighed in response.

'We should be off to find Miss Scarlet's room now, so if you'll excuse us.'

'Fine, I'll just leave t'way I came in.' With that Emmett Green pulled down a decorative oil lamp which was attached to the wall, and as he did this, one of the huge mirrors, which I had had my back to, swung silently open to reveal a hidden corridor.

'Awesome!!!' I stared in awe at the cramped wood panelled passage, where a lone light bulb blinked, illuminating nothing more than the first few feet.

Suddenly the mirror swung shut once more.

'Hey! Why'd it close?'

Edward placed a cool hand on my shoulder and started moving me towards main the door.

'Time to find your room Miss.' He said.

'But I want to go down the passage!' I moaned. Edward leaned in close to my ear and it made my neck tingle.

'He's up to something: he's trying to distract you so you don't win.' He whispered.

'So what?' I retorted. 'I don't care about this game anyway, and if you're not willing to stop playing it to spend some proper time with me this weekend, then I'm going to go exploring with Reverend Green.' I walked over to Emmett and stood pouting, with my arms folded across my chest, like a sulking five year old. The Reverend just stood next to me grinning triumphantly at Edward. Without saying a word he put his arm around my shoulders.

'Very well...' Edward sighed. He turned around and started to walk away. A wave of horror surged through me as I realised that being separated from him in a house this size meant that I probably wouldn't have seen him again all weekend.

I was just about to run after him and tell him I was only bluffing, when he stopped behind an ornately decorated chair at the end of the cobweb covered dining table, and tilted back one of its arm rests. I heard a distinct click, which was followed by a low rumbling sound, and as I turned around I noticed that the back of the colossal marble fire place had risen. Behind it there was a cramped rickety-looking spiral stair case. Reverend Green let out a long impressed whistle.

'Jasper, or should I say 'Colonel Mustard', isn't going to be very happy with me;' said Edward, 'I wasn't supposed to show anybody these passages. However, as the good reverend here has already brought your attention to one of them, I figured there would be no harm in showing you another.'

Cautiously, I peered up the old staircase, fearing that the marble slab would come crashing back down on top of me at any moment.

'Where does it lead?' I asked.

'Just opposite your bedroom.' Edward answered.

'I'm not going up there.' I stated defiantly, causing Edward to sigh in exasperation once again.

'I thought you wanted to explore the passages?'

'Yes, because I thought it would waste time, but this leads to my room and as soon as we get there you'll just want to play the game.'

Apparently the secret staircase was too much of a temptation for Emmett, because he seemed to abandon his plans to distract me and giddily ran up the stairs.

'These t'ings go on forever!' He yelled down excitedly in his Dublin accent.

Edward looked at me pleadingly.

'Come on Bella.' He said persuasively. 'It's just _one_ weekend, I promise you'll enjoy the game once it starts.' He smiled at me again, and then I knew he'd won the argument... and so did he.

Emmett then came running back down the creaking steps.

'Are you guys coming or what?' He was virtually bouncing on the spot with anticipation.

'Fine...' My shoulders drooped in defeat, and Edward gently pushed me forward. Emmett ascended the stairs again, whilst giggling with excitement.

After ten minutes of solid walking up the tightly spiralling steps I was starting to feel dizzy, so we all stopped in order for me to rest; my legs felt like they were made of lead.

'How much farther Wadsworth?' Irish Emmett asked Edward.

'Well Reverend, I'd say we were about two thirds of the way.'

'Wow, this house really is massive.' I observed glumly. I rubbed my poor aching feet; whatever had made Alice think that six inch heels would be a good idea in a house like this, I'd never know.

Edward was still eyeing Emmett with some degree of suspicion, and this made me a little apprehensive too. There was something odd about the way that he was walking... When he was looking elsewhere, I looked him up and down, and my eyes lingered on an unusually shaped bulge concealed in his trousers. What the heck? Even I knew that wasn't normal. For a moment or two I sat staring at his crotch, trying to figure out what he had hidden down his pants, another sausage roll perhaps, when suddenly he cleared his throat. Oh crap! I looked up and our eyes locked, and it was at that horrific moment that I realised that Emmett had witnessed me staring at his groin. Then, as if I wasn't already humiliated enough, he winked at me. I averted my gaze and flushed bright pink. I'd probably never be able to look Emmett in the eye again.

'How come Jasper didn't want anybody to know about the secret passages?' I queried. It was just an attempt to hide my embarrassment.

'Because, if people know about them then they wouldn't be secret passages, would they.' Edward replied in an almost patronising tone. He scooped me up onto his back and started walking once again; and I knew he was just trying to prevent me from asking the questions that he didn't want to answer. But why was he being so secretive? If he had just told me about the house straight off, then I probably wouldn't be all that intrigued.

'Ya know what dis place reminds me of?' Emmett asked. Nobody answered. 'It reminds me of dat Backstreet Boys' video; ya know, da one where they're all staying in dat haunted house and at night dey all turn into different t'ings? Like one was a mummy, an' another was a werewolf...'

'And another was a vampire!' I chuckled. 'I loved that song.'

'Ev-ry boh-daaay!... Yeeaahh!' Emmett started to sing, and to my surprise he appeared to know the dance moves, which he carried out effortlessly on the spiral steps. I just couldn't help myself from singing along. 'Rock your boh-daaay!... Yeeaahh!... Ev-ry boh-daaay! Rock your body right... Backstreet's back-'

'Alright!- That's enough!' Demanded Edward in an attempt to silence us. 'We're here now.' He said.

'Aww! Damn it Wadsworth, you're such a fun-sponge! I was just beginning t' enjoy myself.' Edward simply ignored Emmett's disappointed remark.

'Maybe he's just embarrassed because we've guessed the reason why Jasper bought the house.' I deduced.

'Ya mean he bought it so they could shoot the music video here?' Emmett asked me.

'Yeah, I bet if you look carefully you could see that Jasper is one of the dancers in the background.' Emmett paused as he considered my idea.

'It's plausible.' He replied. 'The time scale fits, but why would Edward be embarrassed?'

'Maybe he's in the video too.' I teased.

'Okay, dat is definitely sum'n we need t' check on youtube.'

Still ignoring us, Edward pushed at the wall which blocked our path. We appeared to be at a dead end, but the wall soon subsided to Edward's strength and opened out onto a main corridor. From the other side, I noticed that it wasn't a wall that Edward had opened, but was in fact a large canvas oil painting. It was decorated with a chipped plaster frame, which was a faded gold colour, and the dark painting depicted a freaky evil-looking man with a moustache. He looked like Vincent Price.

'Have you still got your key?' Edward asked me. I walked over to him, leaving footprints in the dust on the floorboards, and I put the key in the lock. I turned the crystal handle, and to my complete shock, the room on the opposite side of the door was absolutely gorgeous.

'You didn't think that we'd put a lovely woman such as yourself in any old dusty room, did you, Miss Scarlet?' Edward could see from my face that I was flabbergasted, and it clearly amused him.

'B-but it's so nice, and so... _clean_!' I stammered. It was in complete contrast to the rest of the house, with the creaky floorboards and cobwebs hanging from the ceiling. The room was so bright and homely; it looked like it belonged in Buckingham Palace, with its exquisite furniture and deep shag-pile carpets, even the wallpaper looked ridiculously expensive... And there was the bed.

I took a running dive at the enormous four poster, when Edward caught me in mid-air; it was a very disorientating experience.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you.' He said as he gently placed me back on my feet. Edward then slapped the mattress and it started to ripple. 'Water bed.' He sated. 'Unbelievably comfortable to lay on, but diving on it may cause you injury.'

'Are ya sure it's a good idea letting Bella on that thing? She'll probably end up drowning herself.' I glared at Emmett, knowing full-well that he was probably right.

'Sooooo...' Emmett was drumming his fingers against the door frame. 'I'll be off then.' With that Emmett turned and walked off down the corridor, pulling at paintings and bookshelves as he went.

'What's he doing?' I asked Edward in confusion, as we watched him.

'He's looking for more passages. He discovered the first one accidentally.' Edward told me.

'How?'

'According to his thoughts, he wanted to see if the shower worked, not sure why, and as soon as he tried to turn it on, he fell fifteen feet through a trap door.'

'Oh my God; that would've scared the hell out of me.'

'I think _he _got a real kick out of it.' Edward said. I contemplated what it must be like to step into the shower, stark naked, expecting a shower of water to rain down on top of you, only to have wind rushing up from beneath you, as you plummeted fifteen feet in total darkness... A mortal would have at least broken their legs.

Suddenly a realisation hit me.

'How come he wasn't naked?' I asked.

'Oh he was. Fortunately for us however, Alice saw his free-fall in advance and dropped a bag of clean clothes down there for him beforehand.'

'So, she could've just stopped him from falling?'

'Yes, but where would be the fun in that?'

Edward walked over to beside table and opened the top draw, on which Alice had placed a label reading '_Open Me_'. He pulled out a sheet of parchment and passed it to me.

'The rules.' He explained. I unrolled the parchment, and started to read.

Once I had understood the rules my mood actually started to lighten. Despite my earlier misgivings about the game, I found that I was actually looking forward to playing. I gathered that this was because I'd previously assumed that we were going to be spending the evening trying to deduce who killed Ms. Boddy, but I now knew that we were going to try and kill her ourselves, and that would be much more interesting!

There was of course a time limit, we had between 10pm tonight and 10am tomorrow to kill Alice, and the first person to do it won the game; obviously if nobody managed to murder her, then Alice would win. The murder also had to be committed in the grounds of the twenty seven acre estate, which should be an easy enough rule to follow.

However, we were also limited to how we could kill Alice. We could only use one of six different weapons: a dagger which could be found in the lounge, a revolver found in the study, , a rope found in the ballroom, there was some lead piping in the conservatory, a spanner in the kitchen, and last but not least, a candlestick in the dining room which we had just been in.

Even with Edward's help I had no idea how I was going to win this game, but I was definitely going to give it my best shot.

An unexpected violent knocking at the door made me jump, and caused the water in the mattress to sway.

'You're very nervous tonight.' Observed Edward as he went to answer it.

As the door opened, there was another flash of lightning and a loud crash of thunder, which seemed to perfectly accompany the thunderous expression of anger on Jasper's face, who now stood in the dust covered hallway, his eyes fixed on Edward.

'A word. In private.' He said to Edward, ignoring the dimming of the lights. Edward turned to me.

'Don't do anything stupid or dangerous while I'm gone.' He ordered, and with that he went out into the corridor with Jasper.

Wondering all the while what that exchange had been about, I went to check out my bathroom. The first thing that took my attention was the enormous shower; the silvery chrome shower head was as big as a dustbin lid and the back wall was made of cool white marble and contained two dials: one hot and one cold.

Did this shower have a trap door like Emmett's? I bet it did. Where would it lead? Maybe it would lead me to one of the six weapons, in which case that would give me an advantage in the game. I pondered this for a while. Edward had told me not even two minutes ago that I wasn't to do anything stupid or dangerous. Would a fifteen foot drop really do that much damage?

Curiosity was starting to get the better of me. Intrigued, I opened the frosted glass shower door, leant over and touched the the cold marble with my hands. So I could reach the dials without putting my feet into the shower. That meant that, in theory, I could open the trap door without falling down it.

I turned the first dial all the way around... Nothing happened. I started to turn the second dial, and instantly heard the faint rumbling of a mechanism starting to work. I turned the dial faster, as far as it would go, and looked down expectantly.

'COLD!!!' I yelped as the powerful blast of icy cold water pelted the back of my head. It dribbled sluggishly down the back of my neck all the way down to my legs. I reached up frantically, fumbling, trying to turn the shower off, but the knob came off in my hand.

I stepped backwards, skidding a little on the wet tiles, and slammed the shower door shut. Leaning with my back against the shower, I slid down onto the floor and sat there shivering as I dried and listened to the drumming of the water hitting the glass door.

I came to the conclusion that there was no secret passage hidden in my shower. It was just a shower.

**EmPOV**

'Where the hell have you been?!' Rosalie barked at me with a scowl on her face. 'It's ten to ten!'

I slapped one of my ridiculously stunning smiles across my face, which never failed to soften her mood.

'I've got something hidden in my pants that I think you're going to see!' I raised my eyebrows a couple of times in a seductive manner. Rosalie tutted and sighed; I guess she didn't find innuendos as amusing as I did.

I started to unbutton my fly.

'Emmett! There's a time and a place!' Rosalie cried, but as I pulled a heavy brass candlestick out of my trousers and placed it on the bedside table, she sighed in relief.

'What's that for?' She asked.

'Well, you put candles in it.' I replied patronisingly. 'I had a flash of inspiration as I fell through the trap door in the shower.' I started to explain.

'Your inspiration isn't all that you were flashing.' She commented. 'How come you're not naked?'

'Is that a request?' I asked.

'It most certainly isn't. So, what was this epiphany of yours, Reverend?'

'You know how we can only kill Ms. Boddy with one of the six weapons? Well, I figured that if we collected all six then none of the other guests would be able to win.' I explained.

'That's actually a really good idea, you know.' Rosalie sounded so surprised that I was a little offended. 'But you didn't bump into Edward, did you? He might have discovered our plans from your thoughts.'

'Don't worry about that, I didn't give anything away. I tried to keep my thoughts on something else.' I told her.

'Oh yes? And what was that? Something befitting a reverend I hope?' She said, accusing me of impure thoughts.

'It was actually. It was The Lord's Prayer, as sung by Sir Cliff Richards' I said Matter-of-factly.

'Who? Oh, never mind. Anyway, while you were gone I came up with a plan to ensure that Edward and Jasper don't team up together, which I've already put into action.' She smiled an evil little smile. 'Jasper should be having words with Edward as we speak.'

'Leaving Bella on her own, you mean?' Rosalie's eyes lit up as she realised what I was getting at.

'Emmett, you're a genius!' It had finally dawned on her after all these years.

'I'll go and get her. In the meantime you can be coming up with a way to deal with Carlisle and Esme.'

I made it back to Bella's room in next to no time at all. There were strange sounds coming from inside after I had knocked; sort of squelching noises. The door knob rattled a few times, as if she couldn't get a good grip of it, and when she finally opened it I could see why.

She was completely saturated from head to foot. Her wet hair limply clung to the sides of her face, and her mascara had run down her cheeks, causing her to bare an uncanny resemblance to Alice Cooper.

'Aww. Was it the water bed?' I asked in mock sympathy. No matter how hard I tried to maintain a straight face, the corners of my mouth still curled up and I snorted in amusement. She didn't like that very much.

'L-l-laugh all you w-want, Emmett!' She stammered as she shivered. A drop of water dripped from the end of her nose. 'Y-your fly is undone.'

'Can't resist looking can you?' This caused her to turn bright red again, and she avoided eye contact.

'W-what did you c-come here for?' Bella asked irritably. I gave her a sinister sneer.

'Why I came for you of course, Miss Scarlet.' There was a moment when a look of utter confusion crossed her face, but the second that I picked her up and flung her over my shoulder, she understood what I had meant, and her expression was replaced by one of fury.

'Put me down right this second, or I'm shouting for Edward!' She shrieked.

'Bring it on.' I replied, and as I walked down the corridor with Bella punching me feebly in the back, I heard a clock strike ten.

The game had officially begun.


	3. Wading Through Treacle

**Hey, I'm not dead!**

**Thanks for your patience with this one, I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I last updated, but I've been hopelessly busy lately with exams and whatnot.**

**I also want to thank everybody who has left a review for me; it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to read your lovely comments :-)**

**Anyhoo, I was a bit stuck with this chapter, which I have entitled 'Wading Through Treacle', but I eventually got there in the end.**

**For all of you that can't be bothered to re-read the first two chapters (I wouldn't blame you), the last one ended with Bella being kidnapped by Emmett, as part of his and Rosalie's strategy for winning the game.**

**Hope that you enjoy!...**

**Chapter 3**

**BPOV**

I felt as if I were on a never-ending roller-coaster as Emmett sprinted, rounding corner after corner after corner, going up and down stair cases; my head was spinning , my stomach churning. I had given up shouting for help about ten minutes ago. Perhaps it wouldn't have felt quite so nauseating if I had at least been able to see where we were going, but all I could see was pitch darkness.

We came to a sudden jarring halt, causing my stomach to lurch. Emmett removed me from his shoulder and sat me down on something hard and rickety, presumably a chair, and proceeded to bind my wrists and ankle to it with duct tape.

I was still completely blind to my surroundings. Ordinarily I would've felt like balling my head off, and cursing Emmett with all of the insulting words that I could think of, but at that moment in time I was concentrating all of my energy on simply not throwing up.

Finally, after a minute or two on solid ground, my nausea passed, bringing back my fury at Emmett.

'Emmett...' I spoke firmly through gritted teeth, figuring it would be best not to shout at him too much now that he had me tied to a chair.

'I think you ought to know that I do not approve of being kidnapped, in fact I think it's very unchristian!'

'Why should dat bother me?' He enquired.

'Because you're supposed to be a man of the cloth.' I countered.

'Hmm... Well, let's just say that I'm the kind of Catholic priest that the Liberal media warned you about.'

I slumped as much, as my bindings would allow me to, in defeat.

'Fine, but is the burlap sack really necessary?'

'Oh, sorry.' With that he pulled the bag off of my head , and after a moment or two of squinting, my poor sensitive eyes registered that we were in an enormous library, that was at least two storeys high. There was an ancient looking brick fire place, which looked as though it hadn't been lit for some time, and next to that stood some wrought-iron spiral stairs, which led to a balcony that ran around the room, so that the books higher up could be reached.

'I only put this on you so that you wouldn't know where I was taking you.'

'I don't think that there was any danger of that.' I muttered glumly.

'Oh, that's right, I forget how terrible your human memory is; I suppose you'd never remember the way back.'

'If you keep forgetting how bad my memory is, then surely that makes yours just as bad as mine?'

'Not necessarily.' He replied coolly. 'For example, you've also forgotten that you're tied to a chair, and that I'm much stronger than you are.' That mischievous glint was in Emmett's eyes again... I had no hope of escaping on my own.

**RPOV**

I silently followed Emmett's footprints in the dust to the library on the top floor. I had just spent the past half an hour searching frantically for the dagger, which the rules had stated could be found in the lounge.

However, the instruction neglected to explain that there were five lounges on the first floor alone. Fortunately, I had eventually managed to find the dagger in a glass display case, so I entered the library feeling triumphant.

As soon as I walked in Bella gave me the dead eye. Well, either that or she was squinting because of bright spotlight lamp that Emmett was shining in her eyes; apparently he had been interrogating her. He turned round to face me, smiling sweetly.

'Top o' the mornin' t' ya!'

'It's twenty past ten at night.' Bella said moodily.

'How did it go?' He asked, oblivious to Bella's surly comment.

'Why is it that what you're looking for is always in the last place that you look?' I asked, brandishing the sharp shiny dagger.

'Because you stop looking once you've found it?' Bella suggested cockily. She was clearly in a sour mood about being kidnapped... Some people are so touchy.

'It was a rhetorical question, but whatever.' I shrugged, figuring that my being nonchalant would be all the more infuriating to her.

'What's with the lamp Reverend?' I queried, as I laid gracefully down on a musty old chaise lounge.

'I was trying to find out what her and Edward's strategy for winning was; anything to increase our chances, right?'

'Well, while you were in here questioning Miss Scarlet, you could've been finding another weapon.'

'She has something up her sleeve, I just know it, these humans can be tricky little bleeders.'

Bella sighed in exasperation.

'I've told you a thousand time already! You kidnapped me before we could make a game plan.'

'Don't act all innocent with me!' Accused Emmett.

'I'm not!'

'So you admit you're not innocent, eh?'

'Aaargh!' She yelled in annoyance.

Although I was enjoying the sight of Bella flustered, it occurred to me that it would be in our best interests to keep her relatively quiet.

'I think you'd better stop now, Emmett.' I said reluctantly. 'Edward isn't going to be happy about this as it is, what with you kidnapping and torturing his girlfriend.' As I said this, I gestured towards her damp hair and smudged make-up.

'Hey, she did that to herself!' He said defensively.

'Why don't you take Bella to the kitchen and make her help you find the spanner? Then as soon as we get all the weapons we can focus on tracking down Alice.'

'Sure, I guess that makes sense.' With that Emmett unbound Bella's hands.

SMASH!

Suddenly, as Emmett leaned down to take the duct tape off of Bella's ankles, Bella grabbed the lamp from the desk and slammed it into the back of his head, shattering the hot bulb on his skull. I heard a frazzling sound on impact.

Bella then sprung to her feet and in a feeble attempt to run out of the room with her legs still bound to a chair, and fell to the floor in a heap.

There was a moment of awkward silence, which I felt obliged to break.

'Right... Well, that was productive.'

'Owww...' Bella moaned.

Emmett steadily got to his feet.

'Oh great, my hair's gone static!' He complained as he ran his hands through his Einstein-like hairdo. It had all the volume of an afro, as it stuck out in every possible direction. My face was contorted with the agony of suppressing my laughter.

'Go ahead, let it out.' He said in a bemused tone, as he desperately tried to smooth it down.

I let out an involuntary snorting noise.

'You look like Richard Simmons!' I teased, then the rest of the laughter came flooding out.

Doing his best to ignore me, Emmett rolled Bella over so that she was no longer face down in the carpet.

'What did ya do dat for?' He picked the chair back up, with Bella still on it, and placed it back on four legs.

'You look like a sea urchin.' She said, sullen now that her not-so-great escape had failed.

'Just remember, Miss Scarlet, that me and Jesus are like this: ' He crossed his fingers and held them in front of her face. 'So I don't think that his dad is going to be very amused when he finds out about this, and you know what he's like when he's angry; have you ever read The Bible? Hmm?'

'Just show him your hair, that ought to lighten his mood.' That retort set me off laughing again.

'You're supposed to be on my side!' He accused.

'I'm sorry.' I grinned, when I eventually got myself under control. 'Perhaps you should keep her bound and gagged.' I suggested.

'No don't!' She begged. 'I'll be good! I won't lamp Emmett – er, I mean Reverend Green, again. Promise.'

Emmett sighed.

'Fine.' He said. 'I won't gag you; but I will keep you cuffed.' He then pulled a pair of shiny stainless steel handcuffs.

'I don't want to know why you have these.' Bella eyed him suspiciously. He cuffed her and he unbound her legs.

'Time to continue our search then.' I got off of the chaise lounge, and made my way over to the door.

As I opened it there was another crash of thunder, and Jasper stood outside the room looking furious.

The rumbling lasted a lot longer this time, and we all stood in silence as we waited for it to end. As the rumbling stopped, Jasper's expression completely altered; he was positively beaming.

'I love how that keeps happening!' He said.

'What do you want Jasper?' I asked.

'I came to tell you that I think we should do everything within our power to make sure that Bella, and especially Edward, don't win the game.'

'What's wrong Jasper? What have we done?' Bella took a step forwards from behind Emmett, who still kept a hold of her shoulder.

'What's she doing here? And why is she cuffed?'

'We had da same brain-wave as you, so we kidnapped her.' Emmett explained.

'Excellent.' Said Jasper. 'One down, one more to go; and why are you Jamaican?'

'Irish. I came from Ireland.'

'Ah.'

'Why are you so mad at Edward anyway?' I asked sneakily; I knew exactly why he was mad, and it was all my doing.

'Because he told you and Emmett.'

'Told us what?' asked Emmett curiously.

'You know... My secret: why I bought this place.' Jasper looked sheepish as he entered the room.

'No he didn't-' I swiftly kicked Emmett in the shin to shut him up.

Edward hadn't told us a thing about Jasper's reasons for buying the place, much to my irritation, but I had earlier managed to persuade Jasper that he had. Apparently my scheming had worked out quite nicely.

'What Emmett means to say is that your secret is safe with us.' I explained.

'That's a lie Jasper, and you know it! Edward would never tell them, he wouldn't even tell me.' Argued Bella.

'Perhaps you should rethink the gag.' I suggested to Emmett, and Bella was quiet again.

'Trust me Bella, I'd love to be able to trust Edward, but I now know that I simply can't.' Jasper slouched against the black spiral steps.

'I was thinking that we could team up to improve our chances. What do you think? I thought that as Edward is going to tell everybody the secrets I entrust him with, then we might as well humiliate him too by choosing 'the command'.'

''The command'?' Asked Bella.

'Yes, it's sort of an unwritten rule of these games we play.' I told her.

'Whoever wins gets one command over the losers, and they can't refuse.'

'Really?!' Bella suddenly looked at me with terrified eyes; I grinned menacingly back, she knew that if I won, she would be in my power.

'Oh crap.'

'Indeed.'

I turned back to Jasper.

'Okay, I think you're right. As it happens, Reverend Green and I have quite a good plan to ensure that none of the other guests win, but we still aren't sure how to beat Ms. Alice Boddy.'

'You leave that to me, I've formulated a good plan to beat her.' He replied. 'So, tell me your idea.'

I explained to him our plot to steal the weapons, and the fact that we had already obtained the first two.

'That's actually a pretty good idea.' Jasper commented thoughtfully.

'Well, it was really _me_ who thought of it.' Said Emmett. '_Meee._' He emphasised, apparently a little annoyed that I was taking the credit.

'Fortunately there are secret passages to all the rooms containing the weapons, so if we split up we can get them all in about fifteen minutes, then we can meet back here.'

'Sure, then you can tell us your plan for Alice.'

'Absolutely. Trust me, there's no way we can lose!' Jasper's enthusiasm boosted confidence even more.

'Can you show us da passages?' Emmett was bobbing up and down with giddiness; sometimes I wonder whether that guy will ever mature.

'You bet.' Jasper sprinted up the spiral stairs onto the first balcony that ran around the perimeter of the library, and we all obediently followed.

We then went up a second stair case; it was the same as the first one, except that this one led to an observatory with a colossal brass telescope, which looked out of the large domed windows surrounding it, and a huge antique walnut desk.

I looked out over the estate. No stars could be seen from this observatory tonight, as the storm had painted the sky with dark purple storm clouds, heavy with rain, but the view was still breathtaking nonetheless. You could see for miles and miles, yet not another building was in sight. Occasionally there would come a sudden folk of lightning in the distance, lighting the sky like a flare, and reducing the hills and mountains to silhouettes. Then the grumbling of thunder would follow, resonating in the panes of glass encompassing us.

'How high up are we?' Asked Bella, as she timidly peaked down over the railing, onto the lowest floor of the library.

'This is the highest room at this side of the house, which is about twenty five meters; but as you can see this room alone is three storeys high, so I'd say we're stood about 30 metres off the ground right now.' Jasper replied. He was looking through the telescope and altering the focus. 'There are some other parts of the house with attics and turrets however, so they are probably a little higher up... Ah, here we go.'

One of the panes of glass gently clicked open towards us. Raindrops sluggishly dripped from it onto the carpet.

'You see the focus dial on the telescope acts like a dial on a safe, if you get the right combination, you can find the secret passage.'

Emmett and I looked dubiously out into the rain.

'What's so secret about opening a window?' Quizzed Emmett.

'My thoughts exactly.' I agreed.

'It's the only way to open it. Besides, it doesn't just open the window.' Jasper elaborated. 'If you were to step out onto the roof and walk along it, you'd find another small door opened, which is normally closed and indistinguishable.'

'What's behind it?' I asked.

'A chute, although in this weather it will probably be more like a water flume.'

'Awesome!' Cried Emmett.

'Where does it lead?' I asked.

'To the conservatory, where the lead piping is found. Also the kitchen is next door to the conservatory, and that's where you'll find the spanner. The chute also has a ladder, so you can get back here the same way.'

'Excellent!' I said in a way that wasn't too dissimilar to Mr. Burns from 'The Simpsons'.

'Off you go then Emmett.' I suggested.

'Why don't you both go?' Jasper recommended. 'Then I could take a passage to the ballroom to get the rope, then stop off at the study for the revolver before meeting you guys back here.'

He handed me a small luminous orange rain poncho from the bottom drawer of the desk.

'Come on Rose! It'll be just like the time we set up the 'Slip 'n' Slide' on the stairs!' Emmett tried to persuade me.

'That was all well and good until you covered it in baby oil,' I replied. 'Then you lost control and smashed into Esme's Ming vase.'

I knew it was pointless to argue.

'Fine, but I refuse to wear that hideous poncho; frankly I'd rather get wet.'

'Suite yourself, but you may come to regret it.' Warned Jasper.

I turned to Bella.

'Bella, you come with us, you're already soaked anyway.'

Emmett was already outside, drumming his fingers impatiently on the window frame. I followed him out unwillingly.

The second I stepped out onto the roof, the window clicked shut behind me, with Bella still in the library.

'Don't worry,' said Jasper through the glass; had I the frail hearing of humans, I wouldn't have been able to hear him over the the storm. 'They close themselves after a minute or so, but the chute should still be open for a good thirty seconds yet. I'll keep an eye on Bella, you and Emmett hurry on ahead.' The victorious expression that had appeared on Bella's face when the window had closed was extinguished. I sneered at her before turning back towards Emmett.

The pair of us left Jasper and sprinted across the roof. We soon discovered an opening, like a large cat-flap, made of the same grey slate tiles as the roof.

Emmett dived for it head first, while I took the slightly more dignified and ladylike feet-first approach, loosing a shoe in the process.

The chute seemed endless. On and on it went, and as the darkness enveloped me, I could hear Emmett's invigorated giggles and cheers from beneath me.

'Weeeee! He-hee!'

I couldn't see him, it was too dark. I was saturated from the rain water, and cold air rushed up at me as I plummeted. I really wasn't enjoying this experience at all.

Finally I could see a warming glow of light; it looked as if it was flying up towards me...

...Forty feet to go... As I got closer, something else grabbed my attention; it was an odour... Thirty feet... The smell was sickly sweet and distinctive, like liquorice... Twenty feet... Then I noticed that the warming glow of light was flickering, like a flame... Ten feet... Where was Emmett?... Five feet... And what was that big black thing speeding towards me?

SPLAT!

I hit the contents of the vat with such an immense force, that I was submerged in the viscous black goo. After several minutes of attempted thrashing (which is a considerably difficult action to perform whilst submersed in a vat of treacle), I eventually resurfaced, and screamed in rage.

'Aaaarrghh!!!'

Long streams of treacle dribbled and oozed lethargically from my hair and body.

'Hey, Rose, you look like the creature from the Black Lagoon!'

'Emmett? Where are you? I can't open my eyes!' I felt around for him frantically, but all I could find was the edge of the vat. I started to heave myself out.

'Woah! I wouldn't do that if I were you.' He discouraged.

'Just shut up and help me out!'

'You're the boss.'

Emmett pulled me by the waist, and there was a disgusting slurpy squelching noise, as the sticky substance finally released its grip on me. I tumbled down the side of the vat, and had a surprisingly soft landing. I rolled over and sat upright, while Emmett stood next to me.

'That damned brother of ours double crossed us!' I growled.

'Well, to be fair, you did try to trick him.'

'That's beside the point!' I would've cried if I could.

'Let's look on the bright side, at least my hair's no longer static.'

'So you landed in the treacle too?' I asked.

'Yep.' Emmett didn't even sound phased, as if this were some everyday occurrence for him.

'So you look like a swamp monster too?' My eyes were still glued shut.

'Yep, more so than you do in fact, now that you're out.' He reassured me, and I started to feel a little better.

'Really? You mean I don't look like one any more?'

'Absolutely, of course you don't.' He said matter-of-factly. 'You now look more like the Giant Chicken from Family Guy.'

'What?!' I just about managed to open my eyes, only to realise that Jasper had completely covered the floor in white feathers: the floor which I had been rolling around on whilst covered in goo. They fluffy white plumage clung to me, as if for dear life.

'I tried to warn you.' The Reverend added patronisingly.

'Aaaarrghh!' I screeched again, even louder this time.

'Luckily I noticed before I got out, so I'm completely feather free. Got t' hand it t' Jasper though, he doesn't do things by halfs, I mean, having us tarred and feathered (or should I say 'Treacled and feathered'?)... Genius! Pure genius! This game's getting exciting, don't ya think?' Emmett simply ignored my new outburst.

'Where are we anyway? I'm guessing that this isn't the conservatory.' He wondered aloud. I hadn't really been paying any attention to where we were, so I glanced around...

'It's a cave.' I said, dumbfounded.

Flame torches, the cause of the flickering glow, were strapped to the walls of the small cavern, and were reflected in the glistening minerals in the stalactites on the ceiling. Several tunnels went off in different directions.

'These must be like catacombs, they must run underneath the house.' Emmett observed.

'Most houses just have a basement.' I said as I tried to pluck myself; it was hopeless.

' I regret not taking the rain poncho.' I mumbled in defeat.

**JPOV**

**Twenty five minutes earlier:**

Lightning flashed and thunder shook the room, as Edward opened the door to see my furious expression; it added to my menacing air, which pleased me, in spite of my bitter mood.

'A word. In private.' I demanded.

Already knowing full-well what I wanted to talk to him about, Edward turned to Bella, told her not to do anything stupid or dangerous, and followed me into the billiard room next door.

I was fuming at Edward, and he knew exactly why.

'I know exactly why you're fuming at me.' Edward started to explain.

'You promised that you wouldn't tell!' I shrieked in fury, although it came out slightly more effeminately than I had intended.

'Relax, I didn't tell them why you bought the place, and I wouldn't have even shown them the secret passages if Emmett hadn't discovered the one in his shower first.'

That stumped me a little. So they didn't know?

'No, they don't. What made you think that they did?' He asked, and my mind flashed back to my earlier discussion with Rosalie.

"He told me what you use this place for." She had said. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Jasper, it's just a little strange that's all."

'She was lying.' Edward stated. 'I never told her anything, and why would I? That would only mean implicating myself too.'

I considered this for a moment. Edward certainly did have a point; if anybody were to find out my reasons for purchasing this old mansion then they would also discover Edward's involvement; something, I guessed, that he'd wish to avoid.

'She must be trying to turn us against each other.' I deduced. Rosalie was clearly playing this game on a whole new level, apparently Bella's presence this year had spurred her on.

'I think Emmett may be up to something too, he was trying very hard to hide his thoughts just now.' I didn't like the sound of that; this more than likely meant that the two of them had teamed up together.

'That's just what I was thinking.' Edward agreed.

Suddenly, Edward's face became deadly serious.

'Something has happened, but I'm not sure what.'

'Your powers are so awesome, they scare me.' I replied sarcastically. I was still angry with him, despite the fact that I now knew that Rosalie had been lying; I'm not sure why, it was a bit like being mad at somebody after having dreamt that they were mean to you.

A fraction of a second later we were back in Bella's room next door.

'Bella?!' I asked. There was no response.

'She's not here.' Edward looked panicked, and somehow even paler than usual.

'She can't be far, we were only talking for a minute or so.' I reasoned, but he would hear none of it.

'I can't hear her heart beating...' Edward's expression became one of such pain and anguish that it drove away all of my remaining anger.

'Don't panic, Ed. She's probably just too far away for you to hear.'

'She can't move that fast.' He snapped.

'No, but Emmett can.' Edward stopped fretting for a moment as he considered this.

'You did say that he was up to something.' I reminded him.

'You're right... I didn't realise that he'd resort to kidnap though. Bella's so fragile, especially compared to Emmett, if he harms her I'll-'

'He won't harm her! It's only a game remember. He just wants to win.' I could feel Edward's rage building; I had to control his emotions to stop him from running after Emmett.

'We need to prevent Emmett and Rosalie from winning.' Edward declared.

'I know.' I replied. 'I have an idea.' Edward read my thoughts.

'It's good.' He said.'But I know how we can make it even better... Pass me that feather duvet would you?' He grinned.


	4. A Sponge Too Far

**Yo!**

**I'm back! It's only taken me, like what, seven months? Maybe eight. But, hey, I got there in the end! And now that I know roughly how this is going to end, the final chapter/chapters should be a lot quicker to write than this one was... In theory. Don't worry though, I have every intension of finishing what I've started, and once this story is complete, I will hopefully be co-writing another Twilight fanfic with my friend Whatserrname (formerly known as TwiIngTooHard), which we already have some pretty awesome ideas for. It's gonna be Epic!**

**Anyway, I want to thank everybody who has reviewed this story so far, you guys are truly amazing, and I am also obligated to thank Whatserrname for her input and inspiration. If I don't thank her she'll hurt me.**

**So far I'm the only person who has proof read this, so there may be the odd mistake, but hopefully I'll have somebody check it tomorrow. I was just too eager to post it!**

**Enjoy! xx**

**Chapter 4- A Sponge Too Far**

**BPOV**

The tension was unbearably heavy. We waited with only the sound of the rain drops battering against the windows of the observatory, although I wasn't entirely sure what we were waiting for. Jasper said nothing. Neither did I. All I knew was that he still looked as though he was furious at Edward.

The events of the past few hours whirred around in my head… The evening hadn't exactly gone off to a great start for me, to say the very least.

First of all I had fallen down the stairs when Edward came to pick me up. Perhaps I had known on some subconscious level that this was some sort of a forewarning, a sign that it would have been best to stay at home and watch football with Charlie this evening, but I had stubbornly refused to at the sight of Edward's breathtaking smile; or then again, maybe that was just me being my typically uncoordinated self again. I couldn't really be sure.

Then, when I had arrived at the house, things had gotten progressively worse: there was the unfortunate moment that Emmet had caught me staring at his crotch, the very memory of which caused my skin to crawl, then came the soaking with the shower, and finally came my kidnapping and epic failure of an escape attempt, whilst still bound to a chair. And to make things excruciatingly worse, I had been separated from Edward, with no idea of where he had disappeared to, and I was now in the custody of his vengeful brother.

Regardless of my seemingly impossible situation, I tried desperately to think of any possible means of escape… Edward was my only hope, and the only way I could find out where he was, was by talking to the last person that I had seen him with. Suddenly I felt obliged to break the awkward silence.

'So, Jasper… Err…'

'Yes Bella?' Jasper enquired enigmatically.

I had no idea what to say, ever since Jasper had stormed into the library, I had felt a rising fear of him, and wasn't sure why. Was he really going to hurt me, or did he just want me to think that by controlling my emotions?

'I, err, umm… Say, have you ever seen that "Potter Puppet Pals" video on Youtube?' Wow. I wanted to probe him for information, and this was the best I could come up with?

'Of course' He replied. There was a faint trace of a smile on his face, evidently he was enjoying this more than I was.

'It, err, it's good isn't it?'

'Indeed.'

I took a deep breath, and prepared to ask him outright just what exactly he had done with Edward, but as my eyes met with his, I found that I could no longer speak. There was something different about him, something so infuriated and ruthless that it left me paralysed with pure trepidation. I couldn't take my eyes away from his, and he snarled at me in response. The feeling of dread grew and grew inside of me, until it was so intense that my whole body was sweating and trembling. My face scrunched up and tears sprang to my eyes, as I began to whimper pathetically. This soon developed into a full-on bawl. I had never been so terrified in my life, and I had no idea why…

'Stop it! Pleeeaease! Just stop whatever you're doing!' I howled. I had fallen to my knees and was pulling helplessly at his mustard coloured military jacket. 'I don't wanna die!' I sobbed.

'Oh crap, I'm so sorry Bella!'

All at once I felt fine… In fact I was better than fine, I was positively euphoric!

'What was that all about?' I asked dreamily, as I wiped away my tears on the back of my hand.

'I'm sorry.' Jasper said again. 'It's just this house, I can't help myself. Trust me, it's nothing personal.'

'So it wasn't just some sort of evil game tactics?'

'No, I just got a little bit carried away with ruling your emotions, but I'm afraid I can't tell you anymore than that.' He explained; well, sort of. 'Could you tell me something though?' He continued.

'Sure. What?'

'Err, well… Exactly how scared were you?' He asked sheepishly. 'On a scale of one to ten.'

'I'd say it was a pretty solid nine.' I replied.

'Really? What could I have done to make it a ten?'

I thought about this for a few moments.

'You could've dressed as a clown I suppose, a really evil looking one, holding a single red balloon.' I hate clowns.

'Any clown in particular?' He enquired.

'Hmm… Ronald MacDonald maybe? Or perhaps Stephen King's "It"' I suggested.

'That Stephen King guy has got a lot to answer for.' He muttered to himself almost inaudibly. As he said this, he took a small notebook and pencil out of his jacket pocket and jotted something down.

'Anything else?' He said.

'Err, I guess you could've used some spiders.'

'No, that would never work; he's not arachnophobic.'

When he said this, it suddenly occurred to me what a weird exchange this had been.

'Who isn't?' I queried. Jasper looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights, apparently he'd said too much.

'Oh, nobody.' He coolly responded. 'Hey look! It's Wadsworth!' He pointed behind me excitedly, and obviously grateful for the distraction.

'Edward!' I turned around giddily and flung my arms around Edward's neck, and planted my lips firmly against his. After a minute or so Jasper cleared his throat awkwardly.

'Ah-hem!… I'm still in the room guys.'

'My apologies Jasper.' Edward said as he detached himself from me. 'I see our little plan worked for now.'

'You mean Jasper's on our side?' I asked hopefully.

'Of course I am. I knew Edward didn't tell those two my secret, after all it's kind of Edward's secret too'

'It is?' I eyed Edward suspiciously.

'Umm, well, sort of. I guess.' He replied. He looked uncomfortable. 'I didn't really have much choice in the matter though.' He muttered sulkily.

'Now that Rosalie and Emmett have been temporarily disposed of, perhaps we ought to find Carlisle and Esme. I think that they'd be willing to come to some sort of agreement.' Jasper proposed.

'You think they'd help us?'

'There's no harm in trying.' Edward pointed out.

'Follow me.' said Jasper. 'Their room is just down the corridor.'

As Edward and I obediently followed Colonel Mustard along the long grimy corridor, where the floorboard creaked loudly underfoot, I turned to him and asked:

'So, what did you two do to Emmett and Rosalie?'

**RPOV**

I was furious. Unspeakably furious. I marched on defiantly, no idea where I was going, but anything was better than sitting still and stewing in my own venom. Jasper had double crossed me. He would soon regret that. I'd make sure of it. I momentarily stopped grinding my teeth in order to spit out a treacle covered feather, which had somehow worked it's way into my mouth.

Emmett was still chattering away beside me, as he lit our way through the labyrinthine catacombs with a flame torch that he had taken from a bracket on the wall. The sickly sweet stench of treacle followed us as we walked.

'Now I know you say dat he doesn't exist, but just humour me for a second.' Emmett went on, in full Reverend Green mode. 'Let's just say for argument's sake dat dere is some higher bein' dat watches over us, an' protects us…'

I sighed in annoyance. I'd had just about enough of his preaching for one night, yet he still kept on rambling.

'An' all you have to do when you need his help is to call t' him, shine a light into the heavens, an' he will come! He will come, and he will be your saviour!'

'Arrrgghhh!' Finally, I could bare no more. 'For the last time Emmett, I told you: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BATMAN!' I spoke callously, clearly annunciating every syllable.

'Only if you don't believe!' He replied patronisingly.

'Okay, fine. Even if there was such thing as Batman, what on Earth makes you think that it's Jasper?'

'Intuition.' He answered. ' After all, wouldn't it also explain why he purchased dis house, an' why he's being so secretive about it? Also, if ya take dis bat-cave into consideration…'

'You don't know that it's a bat-cave.'

Out of the blue, a small winged creature rapidly swooped down out of nowhere, startling me, narrowly missing my head, and zoomed out of the light of the torch. Emmett looked at me smugly.

'Okay, I'll give you that.'

'Indeed, I think that fruit-bat illustrated my point clearly enough.'

'How'd you know it was a fruit-bat?' I challenged.

'It was peeling a banana.'

'Be serious! No it wasn't!' I said, punching him in the arm.

'Well it was still a bat.'

We walked on in silence for a while, and as we walked further and further through the darkness, I became more and more worried that we'd picked the wrong tunnel to head down. We didn't seem to be getting anywhere; at this rate we'd never make it out of the catacombs before the end of the game.

'Jasper's a vampire.' Emmett said eventually.

'Just figure that one out did you?'

'What I mean is dat, if superheroes did exist, den wouldn't it be quite likely dat dey were vampires? What with dem having super strength, and super speed.'

I sighed again.

'We're back onto this again are we?'

'An' what animal do you most associate with vampires?'

'A bat?' I replied reluctantly and unenthusiastically to his rhetorical question.

'Exactly! I'm telling' ya Rosie, it all makes sense!'

'No, it doesn't though When Bella mentioned this house for the first time earlier, he didn't just look angry, he also looked… well, guilty; you know, like he'd actually done something wrong.' I argued. 'I don't think that he would be ashamed of being a superhero, in fact he'd probably brag about it. He might keep it a secret from the rest of humanity, but he'd definitely tell us.'

'So what do you t'ink he's using this place for?' Questioned Emmett.

'Something he shouldn't.' I replied.

'By which do you mean somet'ing illegal, or some sort of "house of ill-repute"?'

'I assume by that you mean a strip club, or a brothel?' I looked at Emmett accusingly, sometimes he could have such a one track mind. 'I'm fairly sure that Jasper's not a pimp.'

'I wasn't suggesting that he was.' Emmett responded.

After a moment of contemplation, it occurred to me that he was implying that Jasper was in fact one of the exotic dancers, rather than the host. A nasty image involuntarily filled my mind, one which involved Jasper wearing nothing but sparkly gold underpants and a bow tie, grinding and thrusting, and licking his lips in a suggestive manner, as he pole-danced to the song "Maniac" from Flashdance…

'Eww! Eww! Eww! Ewww!' Thoroughly repulsed at myself for thinking such a thought, and at Emmett for putting it in my mind in the first place, I started to repeatedly whack myself in the head with my palms, in order to beat the image out of there. The fast movement caused a few loose feathers to fly off; I looked like Big-Bird having a seizure. Unfortunately, the harder I fought it, the more prominent and focused the picture became in my mind's eye; the volume of the music kept on rising… '_SHE'S A MANIAC, MANIAC, ON THE DANCE FLOOR! AND SHE'S DANCING LIKE SHE'S NEVER DANCED BEFORE!'… _That is NOT how anybody want's to imagine their brother!

'Emmett quick! Put another song in my head!'

'Err… _'Don't goooo changing, to try and please me; you've never let me down before!'' _He sang angelically. I sighed with relief, as the Barry White song began to loop over and over again in my head, and the image of Jasper faded.

'Ah, thank you.'

'Should I be concerned about this?' Emmett enquired. He was referencing my peculiar behaviour.

'No, no. I'm good now. Let's just keep walking.'

We trudged on for five minutes solid, and it became evident that Emmett was getting just as irritated by our lack of progress as I was.

'Can't I just run ahead and let you know what's down dere? If dere's nothing up ahead den we can go back to the main chamber and go down a different tunnel.' He suggested.

'I'm not sure that would be a good idea. Jasper may have set up more traps: the slower we walk, the more observant we are, and the more observant we are, the less chance of us getting caught out.'

The light from Emmett's torch suddenly began dim, and by the time we had rounded the next corner, it had gone out completely. We were left in such concentrated darkness, that even our vampire eyes could barely make anything out.

'Oh great. This evening just gets better and better.' I observed glumly.

'Screw it. I'm gonna run on ahead; if I'm not back in t'irty seconds, go on back wit'out me.'

Before I had any time to object, I heard a '_whoosh'_ noise as Emmett ran of, and felt a light breeze ruffling through my plumage. The '_whoosh'_ was swiftly followed by a metallic '_dooong!'_ sound… And that was swiftly followed by a long barrage of swear words.

'You okay there Reverend?' I asked, mocking his use of foul language.

'I've been better!' He replied through, what sounded like, gritted teeth.

'What happened?'

'I ran into sumt'ing very solid, and very painful. Possibly a safe door; one which now has a big me-shaped cast in it.'

'Hmm, that's odd.' I'd caught up with Emmett and was now running my hands around the edges of the solid metal obstacle. As I felt the middle, I could tell that Emmett had indeed made quite a deep impression, he must have been going extremely fast at the time of impact. 'How do you think we should try to get through?' I asked.

'Well, my advice is not t' charge at it.' Emmett replied moodily.

'There's some sort of keypad on it. We probably need some sort of numeric code to get in.'

'You leave dat t' me!'

Emmett gently pushed me aside. I heard a brief trickling of liquid, then the sound of a circuit board being frazzled. The door opened momentarily to reveal a room partially illuminated by a dozen computer screens arranged in a grid along the opposite wall.

'What did you do?' I asked. In response Emmett held up a little clear glass vial, which he had on a long golden chain around his neck. There was a transparent liquid sloshing around inside.

'Batman may get a cool utility belt, but dis is my weapon of choice… Holy water: The miracle fluid! It can even open reinforced solid steel doors, how cool is dat? All I had t' do was pour it on the keypad.'

'I think any liquid could've done the job Emmett, they're all pretty good at frying circuits.'

'Well, maybe this one could've…' He brought a silver hip-flask with an engraving on it, out of his back trouser pocket, leaving a sticky treacle residue on it. 'Communion wine.' He clarified. 'A little bit of Jesus in a flask.'

'What's that engraving say?' He handed me the flask, and in the faint light of the computer monitors, I could just about make out what it said:

"_To my brother from another mother,_

_The Epic Rev G,_

_Keep up the faith my friend,_

_and know that I love you man, you crazy S.O.B!_

_Respect!_

_Big Daddy P XXX"_

'And who exactly is "Big Daddy P"?' I asked dubiously.

'Pope Benedict XVI. I impressed him with my mad break-dancing skills during our wild night out last month. Not many people can spin on deir head you know. He certainly couldn't, but dat was because of his habit and veil, he was dressed as a nun you see.'

'As if!' I handed the flask back to him.

'It's true! It was a drag party. I was Lady Gaga.'

'Whatever.'

'You're only jealous.' He replied conceitedly.

Ignoring Emmett's self-righteousness, I wondered into the middle of the intriguing room before us. It was fairly spacious, and the walls and ceiling were hewn out of the same bare red-brown rock as the passage we had just walked down. In here, however, a cement floor had been laid, and there were two further metal doors placed at either side of the screens, but unlike the door we had just come through, these didn't have locks on. Beneath the monitors, there was a panel jutting out of the wall, like a desk, and was covered with buttons and switches.

'So what's all dis about?' Emmett wondered aloud.

All of the screens held a different image, it was like some sort of surveillance system, but all of the CCTV pictures were taken from places that I didn't recognise. On the panel there was also a GPS map of the globe, and a small blip was flashing somewhere in the south of France.

'Jasper must be tracking something, but what?'

'Good question, Emmett.'

Emmett surveyed the panel intently.

'Hang on…' He said. He fiddled with a few of the buttons. My untechnical mind couldn't be sure exactly what he was doing, but he seemed to understand. After a moment or so, the pictures on the screens changed to places that I did recognise, they were from cameras that were scattered about upstairs in the old mansion.

'You understand those things?'

'Sure I do. By the looks of t'ings, he has hundreds of CCTV cameras set up all over the place; and not just in dis country either!'

'Hmm, what is he up to?'

'Dis just further confirms the Batman theory, if you ask me. Dis is how he keeps an eye on the bad guys.' I ignored him.

'There are the others!' I cried triumphantly. In the bottom right-hand corner, a screen showed Jasper, Edward, Bella, Esme, and Carlisle, all sat around the fireplace, in what was presumably Carlisle's and Esme's bedroom, discussing something. Unfortunately there was no sound.

'So, they've teamed up with Professor Plum and Mrs Peacock, have they?' I concluded gloomily. We'd have to try even harder now.

'And there's Alice.' Emmett pointed to the middle monitor on the top row, showing Alice sat on her bed reading "_Vogue". _By the looks of it, it appeared that she had one of the attic bedrooms, at least that ought to narrow the search a bit.

'Let me try sumt'ing else…' He played about with some other buttons, and once again the images changed, yet this time they all joined together to form one large picture. It was a map that Jasper had made of the entire house, a floor by floor plan, including the catacombs, and all of the secret passages that he had discovered.

'Emmett, you are amazing!'

'Yeah, I know.'

'Look, there's a passage through that door there.' I said, pointing to the door on the left. 'That should lead us to an elevator, and by the looks of things, it goes all the way up to the attic, right next to Alice's room!'

Emmett chuckled with triumph.

'And suddenly Rev G and the White-ster are back in the game!…' He grinned.

**BPOV**

'And why should we help you?' Carlisle asked Jasper after he'd asked for his help. He didn't sound arrogant, but intrigued, clearly he was interested in what was in it for him and Esme.

'With your help, I think that we'd be guaranteed to win. We could all come to some sort of agreement as to what game we play next year, and what the command will be.'

Carlisle looked as though he was seriously considering this. He tentatively looked over at Esme, who simply smiled and nodded. In response he lowered his hand from his chin, where it had been rested in thoughtfulness, and turned back to Jasper.

'Okay, we have a deal.' He held out his hand and Jasper shook it firmly to seal the deal. 'However, I'd seriously reconsider double crossing me, if that is your intension. I've had a pretty rough day as it is; my temper is frayed, and I feel that any test on my patience, may result in me no longer being held responsible for my own actions.' Carlisle's tone was calm and reserved, yet I didn't for one second doubt the sincerity of his threat. There was something about Carlisle's air this evening that reminded me of the Godfather.

'Don't worry Professor, we just want to make sure that Emmett and Rosalie don't win.'

'Fair enough.' Carlisle looked satisfied with this. 'As it happens, I have come up with a rather simple plan for dealing with Ms Boddy.'

'Really?' I asked. 'But, how would it be possible to get to her without her seeing it in advance?'

'It wouldn't.' He replied indifferently. 'But if we surround her from every possible angle, then that will make our attack on her inevitable, rather than avoidable.'

'It makes sense, I suppose.' Agreed Jasper. 'If we close in on her then she can't escape, and Emmett and Rose can't get to her.'

'Where is she now Edward?' Esme queried.

'Reading magazines in her room.' Edward answered after reading his sister's mind.

'We should plan exactly how we're going to go about this.' Stated Carlisle. He, Esme, and Jasper started discussing war tactics, while Edward and I remained on the sofa. Edward put his cold arm around my shoulders.

'What are you thinking?' He asked me.

'Nothing that's any of my business, I suppose.'

'Go on.' He pressed.

'I was just wondering what happened to Carlisle earlier today.' I admitted. Edward smiled at my curiosity.

'I thought we might get back to that subject before the evening ended.'

'Are you allowed to tell me, or is this another of your secrets?'

'I guess, but don't let on that I've told you.' He glanced over at his dad, and when he noticed that he was preoccupied, he leaned in to tell me more. 'Well, it was nothing in particular per se, awkward patients at the hospital, staff not doing what they were supposed to, that sort of thing, but in a larger capacity than most days.' He said in a hushed tone.

'That's it?' I asked. We all have days like that, so why did everybody make such a fuss about it?

'Well, today was much worse than even the most stressful day he'd ever previously had working at the hospital. Eventually he reached a breaking point, I'm not sure whether that was when Dr Cooper lost his lucky stethoscope, or when he realised that one of the nurses had messed up the order for supplies; either way, both events were involved in his outburst. I suppose the fact that he'd missed his break didn't make matters any better either, as this meant that he couldn't watch Dr Who in the staff room, like he does every day.'

'He watches Dr Who?' I whispered back, surprised.

'Avidly. Anyway, as I said, one of the nurses had screwed up with the order for hospital supplies: she'd ended up ordering over a thousand surplus sponges, and barely anything that they actually needed, like bandages and syringes.' Edward peeked back over at Carlisle to check that he was still being distracted.

'So, what did he do? Did he get the nurse fired?'

'He built a TARDIS out of sponges and refused to come out until Dr Cooper found his stethoscope.' He said matter-of -factly.

I stared back at him with disbelief.

'Seriously!' He said. 'He doodled all the details on to it with maker pens, like the windows and the "Police Box" sign and everything! It was quite impressive, he even put a flashlight on top.'

'How long was he in there for?'

'They found his stethoscope after about forty minutes. They tried to talk him out before then, but he just sat inside, singing the Dr Who theme tune over and over again. When they told him that he couldn't stay in there all day and that he'd quickly get bored, he just replied that it was bigger on the inside and that he was quite comfortable. He told them that he had a swimming pool, library, a home cinema, and a spa in there.'

'Tell me, do you ever worry about his mental health? Maybe you should get him some help.' I joked, although there was still some truth in there. What an odd family I was marrying into…

'It's a constant battle.' He replied light-heartedly, and sighed melodramatically.

Suddenly, his face became serious, and he stared at nothing.

'She's on the move.' He said, now loud enough for the others to hear. 'Aice, she's left her room, but I'm not sure why. She's disguising her thoughts.'

'We should get after her before the others do.' Esme pointed out; she and Jasper both looked panicked.

'That's it!' Said Carlisle defiantly. 'This ends now! I'm going to get the revolver.' With that, he put on a pair of goggles and ran out of the room.

** Well, that's it for now, I really hoped that you've enjoyed it. Feel free to let me know what you think, reading your reviews makes my day... Bye for now! =)**


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